St. Stephens Day Football Game

Married Side of Club Retain Peter Blanchfield Cup

It was the married side of the club who claimed the bragging rights and retained the Peter Blanchfield trophy on a wet St. Stephens Day.

There was some doubt before the game as to whether the married men of the club would have a team but the Moroney brothers ended all doubts when they came thundering over the hills on their black thoroughbred horses kitted out in Braveheart face paint, kilts and weaponry. Following a rousing speech from Mick ending in ‘they can take our lands but they can never take our freedom’ the married men charged out onto the battle field.

Their enthusiasm was cut short with two well taken points from Cathal Burke who decided enough was enough and he be damned if he had to listen to father George going on about his senior football years with Plunketts and those days in the wild wild west of Sligo where the pre season training involved darting arrows from the Indians now living in a giant reservation called Leitrim. The married side of things responded with a goal and a few well taken points and then another goal. At this point I stopped keeping score because Andy Jones insisted on giving his signature suicide passes leading to many more scores. Thanks Andy. Kevin Kenny in his confused state without a hurl in his hand and a Helmut on his head registered a goal himself but son Shane Kenny himself in an even more confused state without a Xbox 360 controller in his hand showed he could do it too, albeit only after he figured out he could use his actual fingers, hands and feet and not four buttons and a joystick to score. Jamie Cullen who was showing good form in the off season soccer decided to give the big ball a try. Just fresh off duty arresting gougers and saving Christmas in Dublin he knocked a few scores over and under the bar and one or two off them as well. Cian Dolan wasn’t helping matters for the singles wearing a Meath jersey but kept the singles in it with a few scores. Dolan obviously hadn’t been good this year cos if he was Santa would have at least given him a jersey of a half decent football team. The married men were beginning to show some strain at this point with the singles registering a few scores and were in bad need of a breather, so Sean Flood who had made himself referee, linesman and umpires called half time.

Sean Flood made sure the married mens lead was never in danger of being hauled in by calling all shots anywhere within a half mile radius of the goal as a goal or point. With all the married men but one having scored a goal Flooded decided that the game would be over when Alan Conferey had done so. Alan being a back would not be too familiar with that kind of thing and as it transpired this was to take a while. This allowed the singles to knock a few more over with Jordan Haverty scoring a few. Glenn Gately entered the Erin Go Bragh history books as the first man to score 7 goals without using his feet for 5 of them- one of his right cheek, one of his left- and not his facial cheeks, one of his chest and one each of his right and left hand. That’s how they play the game down in Westmeath and that’s why they’re not very good. Anyway Alan eventually got his goal but not before the singles resorted to some tactics from the Micky Harte book of winning All Irelands- cynical tackling. Kevin Kenny was the first to suffer with the son taking him out. George Burke was next with someone shouting ‘he’s not chairman anymore lads, f**king get him’. Conefrey fell victim to Dave Grogan who wasn’t having any of this ‘lets get Al to score a goal’ carry on. Flood took a bit more effort with the whole "What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" being solved in the process (press release to follow). All in all it was a good kick about given the conditions with the marrieds retaining the cup for a record 2 years in a row. Hopefully next years game will be a bigger and better event.

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